A lot of people aren’t very familiar with conservative comedy. That’s because it’s usually indistinguishable from ordinary racism or belligerence, but there are conservatives out there trying to be funny. This is an article about how and why it never works. Conservative politics are fine for squeezing a couple extra years of activity out of an incurious elderly brain, but they’re not a great inspiration for art.
Real quick: If you’re a conservative yourself, hi! I’m concerned you’re not going to take this well, and that you’ll be tempted to lash out in the comments section. Please keep in mind that your people’s sense of humor is on trial here, and cranky insults and wild hypocrisy theories are only going to make me the grand champion of being right. “I’m funny too” is the one hill your Reddit-honed but pussy-drying debate skills can never conquer. So anyway, sorry to open the article by putting you in checkmate. I’m also sorry to my future self, who just burst through a portal to insist this paragraph had no effect whatsoever. Well, Tomorrow Me may have given up on your ability to learn shame, you garbage troll fucks, but not Today Me. Today Me believes in you.
5. Elect Me If I’m Wrong: A Collection Of Conservative Comedy
Let’s just get this out of the way: You already knew conservatives weren’t funny for obvious, common-sense reasons. There’s been research done on the subject, and it all concludes that outside of inventing reasons to kill the poor, conservatives aren’t creative. For instance, you might have seen a “well, technically” nerd hold up a mug of leftist tears after something bad happens in the world. That’s legally a “joke,” but it’s also some basic bitch shit. Smugly endorsing comedy written by a mug salesman is for people who unironically clip Marmaduke cartoons or say, “Oh, I can already tell this is going to be good!” when they open greeting cards.
Aside from their artless brains and empty souls, conservative creators have another big problem. They’re anti-other, not pro-whimsy. And if the appeal of a joke is how much it bothers someone, that’s more of a coping mechanism for being an unlikable failure than a comedy technique. To help illustrate my point, here is a book called Elect Me If I’m Wrong: A COLLECTION OF CONSERVATIVE COMEDY by Michael P. Westhead. Michael has put together 72 pages of material so cluelessly unfunny and belligerent that I must assure you I’m not making him up.